Spray Paint Car Blog

At times, the direction for raising our children to be responsible, successful young adults is difficult to decipher. We have tried to set up parenting skills with this goal as the end in order to be more effective at getting this great end result. We find we are most successful parents when we remember to fall back on what we have decided instead of trying to reinvent the wheel with each new situation.

Sounds hard? It is really easier than you would think. There are 2 areas where children need direction; problem solving and accountability. Children who are being ornery and basically disrespectful, are telling you that don’t know how to solve a problem. The easier part of effective parenting - go through the actions to identify and solve the problem. Then be sure to add the piece of accountability for the decisions they make, good and bad.

1. Problem solving is a process. Problem solving is difficult, otherwise we wouldn’t have any problems. Many kids with abusive behaviors don’t have the patience for the problem solving process. Parents need to understand the importance of problem solving in the learning process and not do it for the child. The time to start is when they’re young, because the problems are more easily solved then, even though the child may feel like they’re monumental. As they get older, they will be more able to solve the bigger problems if they’ve had experience with the smaller ones when they were young.

2. Coach them forward. All good coaches know that they can get the best out of their players if they stick to business and not to emotion. This too is our goal as effective parents. Being patient as we encourage them through this learning process will pay off in spades for them as adults.

3. Teach by example. Remember - monkey see, monkey do. If they see you calmly approaching the problems that you encounter in your life, they will learn to do the same. Also use life situations to teach. Have them pay for their item at the store, or order and pay for their food at a fast food restaurant. These are little things to us, but not to kids. As they become comfortable with these small tasks, they’ll be more able to handle the bigger ones as they grow older.

4. Provide strategic help and solutions. Only give them things they can handle. Offer supportive assistance along the way, don’t criticize them, and most importantly of all, don’t do it for them. As tempting as this may be, you need to let them succeed or fail on their own. We all know it’s easier to load the dishwasher or make the kids bed than to try to get them to do it, but what does that teach them?

5. Encourage exploration and experimentation. As they get to be a teen, you need to let them try out their own ideas for problem-solving and encourage and praise their resourcefulness.

6. Keep setbacks and failures in perspective. This is life in a nutshell. Both experiences provide fertile ground for ongoing training. Look at these as opportunities that they are and you win. Calm and steady as you go and they win too.

While parenting, especially effective parenting, is a formidable task, do not lose heart. Especially with your teens. These previously mentioned skills will hopefully help you.

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